9-28

Taking the plunge.

That's what all this hard work has been for after all, right? To get where I wanted.

I've been scratching my way up for a long time, and now I'm at the top. I'm scared to fall backwards, but now's the time to take the chance.

I'm choosing good. I'm choosing small and simple, art, making the world a better place, crying and worrying because not enough people do. I choose to make a small and simple life. I'm happy with that. I'm happy with my choices and I'm only a little frightened to fall.

My body was warm and textured and soft like the tines of a feather as I lay in bed, and I realized it was because my heart was beating slowly. My muscles were relaxed. I did not lie there in a panic. I did not tense and worry. Is this how other people feel? Like the back of their neck blends into their spine and is not wires wrapped around glass? Like their organs are in harmony, not struggling to be autonomous?

What a strange small pleasure most people hardly notice.

I am choosing good, and I have faith I can make it work. I can adapt and adjust and I know now I have the determination to survive no matter what happens.

My heart beats slowly and I know I'm making the right choice. I do not chew the inside of my lips and cheeks until they bleed. I do not sit rigid. I roll over in the bed, delighting at how limber and limp my limbs feel, and I smile and choose good because at my core I am good, and I am happy with small and simple.