9-24

It's leaving my body. I no longer feel sick and weak. I no longer shake and sleep.

Some part of me clings to it. It has been who I am now, for the better part of a year and a half. The girl who is sad over you. The depressed waif who wails and walks the halls at night. The one who lacks all self control and self respect. The one who makes excuses for you. The one who lets herself act like a fool because, for a while, it feels amazing, before that inevitable drop.

I don't know why I would want to hold onto that. My body still glows and burns like embers and I miss your touch, but your poison has left my body and I think what I felt for you goes with it and my body will turn to ash soon, untended.

I'm acknowledging the greatest tragedy in my oft-tragic life. This was my happy ending, my silver lining, my proof that all of my struggles were not in vain.

And this is how it ended.

But it ended. It's done. You made sure I couldn't come back to you this time.

And I am moving on. I am moving on to laughter and acceptance, to affection and touch. I am opening myself up to being soft again. I have energy and hope. I trust myself, I'm beginning to trust others again. I see other endings, that I did not anticipate, and they are a rising sun of promise and warmth as I wake cold from the death I have been living.