I'm pushing every boundary right from the get-go. I move things on the table to gauge his reaction, I toss my head and let everything spill out, my attitude is bubbling and overwhelming, my tongue sharp.
He laughs, he absorbs it. His energy feels good, he is curious, interested. Even when I purposefully push him too far, there's no undercurrent like Dorian, no electricity that sets my stomach on edge.
I wonder if it will last.
I don't want to be wondering all the time. I never had to wonder before, I took people at their word and their actions. I promised myself I wouldn't hurt anyone by punishing them for what he did, the terrible things he taught me.
I wonder if I'm ready.
I think I am. My hard edges don't feel so sharp these days, and I miss the feeling of tucking my head into someone, breathing, hiding for a moment from the world. Taking a secret beat for myself.
I hope he is patient.
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